Moms Talk: How to Deal with the Teen Years?

Media Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for mothers and their families right here in the greater Media area. Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of experts and smart moms take your questions, give advice and share solutions.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start this week's conversation about teenagers. Please add comments to the comments box below this story and give your own feedback and ideas. And if you have a question you'd like answered for next week, let us know.

Question:  Teenagers sometimes have a tough time at school with grades, homework assignments, teenage dramas, etc. Do you have any thoughts on how to deal with the teenage years? Are there any tutors in the area that can help with the school woes? What's the best resource for homework help?  

Answer From Momʼs Councilmember Kristy O'Connor (mother of 2):

The teenage years are certainly something some parents dread. From hormones to homework and peer pressure to prom, teenagers can give you a run for your money. I believe it's vital to keep the lines of communication open with your teenagers. From what I've seen, the kids whose parents are involved in their lives and keep serious tabs on them are the ones who stay out of trouble. Always talk to your kids and dig to the root of their problems. 

As for a teen who is having trouble with schoolwork, there is help available through participating libraries of the Delaware County Library System. This free service is available in the library and online 24 hours a day and seven days a week. Check out www.delcolibraries.org for more information.

Answer From Momʼs Councilmember Kristin Luther (mother of 2):

When I first became a high school (and later middle school) English teacher, I felt so unqualified when parents asked for advice on dealing with homework or school issues. But as the years passed and I gained experience, I realized that I had the privilege of working with exponentially more teenagers than most parents came into contact with, and I could actually provide decent insight into what might work and what may not. Now, I am no expert on teens, and I'm only on first grade, when it comes to my own parenting experience, but here are some tips that come from my teaching days:

-Find ways to communicate with your teen. If your kid is not a "talker," be creative about finding ways to get your teen to let you into his or her world. For some families, this happens via notes or even texting.

-Stay connected with the school. Don't hesitate to leave voicemail messages or send e-mails to teachers (even about things that seem "small") and do expect a reply. Volunteer when you have the chance, and be a presence at any school functions you can make.

-Work hard to find your teen's source of motivation. So many of the struggling students I've taught are capable, but seriously lack motivation--a huge source of adult frustration. Try to find what makes your teen "tick" and use it as some external motivation to improve things at school.

-Stay balanced and maintain perspective. As with any stage of parenting, I really feel like it's important that parents keep pursuing things that "fill" them, rather than become consumed by what "drains" them. Try not to let the angst your teen is causing you dominate your life or the rest of the family's. And remember, this stage will pass too. My oldest is only seven, but I've definitely found myself saying, "This can't possibly last forever," at least a hundred times so far.  Same goes for teens. Some of my toughest middle school students really hit their stride somewhere around 11th grade.

Sometimes, the best source of homework help is the teacher, because he or she understands the assignment and knows exactly what is expected. But this doesn't always work; sometimes a teacher isn't available to help or sometimes a teacher just can't explain the material or assignment in a helpful way.

As a private tutor, I'm definitely a little biased, but I do think a tutor can be a big help- IF the tutor understands the material/assignment or is able to communicate with the teacher. A tutor is a great option particularly when the burden of schoolwork is causing frequent conflict or as the schoolwork becomes more advanced and a parent doesn't feel like he or she has the expertise needed to help in the subject.

Other types of help are out there too. I can't speak to the quality of services, but the Delco library system has live online homework help as well as a bank of links organized by subject. Some local school districts have Homework Clubs in their schools, or study groups and sessions, organized by both teachers and students.  If you don't know of or don't want to use a private tutor or tutoring company, start with your child's guidance counselor; he or she should be able to recommend resources or ways to support your teen.